In one of my classes we discussed classroom power dynamics. Throughout my educational journey, I have always experienced it but never had a name for it.
When I began attending Bunker Hill Community College (BHCC) I knew that with my chosen major, I would experience covert, overt, intentional and unintentional events that would perpetuate this cycle. I made a concerted effort to utilize my emotional and situational intelligence to that I would not allow such gestures to cause me to doubt myself. Self doubt equals self sabotage for me. I become indecisive. All of my carefully laid plans are cast aside in favor of hasty, anxiety based plan.
I am an extreme introvert. I challenged myself this semester to ask for help, be social and get to know my classmates.
In the first days of class, I observed that the dynamic was indeed established but I chose to be vocal about my opinions and my answers because at the end of the day, I was there to become a teacher. Those students in my classes with more advanced degrees than me were once undergrads too. Every profession, no matter what it is involves someone being taught by someone else. Teachers have teachers.
Fast forward to November 18. Our instructor hands out the assignments for our group project. When my partner was announced, they had a look on their face like “Oh geez, I have to work with the stupid, ghetto black girl.” I had a feeling in my gut that the project wouldn’t go well. But, as my brother always says, if you plant seeds of positivity only positive things can happen. I informed my partner that I was happy to work with them and I was looking forward to working with them. We exchanged information and I gave them my schedule. Their response was “Oh, you take section blah blah blah and I’ll take section blah blah blah.”
The project was due December 9. I contacted the person. The professor wanted us to meet with him first. No response about that from the partner. I took the initiative to reach out to the professor and the person to meet. Meanwhile, I had been working feverishly to create a comprehensive lesson plan. When we met, neither of them gave any useful direction on how to plan the lesson. Again, I second guessed myself, changed my lesson.
The day of the lesson, my classmates complained about how my sketches were hard to understand. They didn’t get how to move the chords in the circles around for the exploration activity. We didn’t even get to the rest of the activities. My partner hijaked the lesson. As I watched the other groups present their lessons, I felt myself getting angry. You could tell their lessons were cohesive because they worked together.
At the end of class, I just broke down and cried. I may be a lot of things. I like my wigs, my long nails and retro punk clothers. But what I am not is stupid. I am not lazy. But the whole exercise made me feel just that; stupid.
The next day at my community center, I observed the issue playing out again. I said within myself, that I won’t allow the kids in my care to ever feel inferior in this society. So, I did what I needed to do to intervene. But if I am being honest, the whole scene just weakened my resolve for a very long moment.
On the way out of class after hijacking my lesson, they made the remark to another student “Oh, I have a Doctors appointment in Brookline, he’s Jewish. That’s where all the best doctors are.” I’ll let you draw your own conclusions dear reader.
I guess all of this is to say tthat enequal power dynamics are heavily ingrained in the educational system. If your teacher is white and always has the right answer, then what are you to believe? How can someone who is only superficially aware of their status and privildge design a curriculum that is culturally competent?
Scarlet's Unconventional Teaching Convention 